The months of lockdown seem to be taking their toll on some relationships. A recent survey carried out by Relate in April showed that out of 2000 people interviewed, 12% doubted any future for their relationship. This figure rose to 21% for 25-34 year olds. 23% said it had put great pressure on their relationship. 27% said they were finding their partner irritating.
It’s normal for all relationships to have their ups and downs. Some common problems within relationships include disagreements about money, lack of effective communication between partners, growing apart, infidelity, a mismatched sex drive and sometimes it’s as simple as just taking each other for granted. The added stressors of lockdown such as being together 24/7, having to work from home along with home schooling, worry about financial security may well have made previously seemingly small niggles escalate into a pressure cooker of arguments and resentments.
So, if things in your relationship were already strained pre-lockdown have you now totally lost that loving feeling and if you have, is there anything you can do about it?
Communication is key
If you want to discuss relationship issues with your partner without it turning into an argument try using ‘I’ statements and not ‘you’ statements. For example, ‘I feel upset when you do that’ rather than ‘you make me feel upset’.
Choose a time when you are both feeling relaxed and won’t be interrupted to start a deep conversation.
When having a discussion, take time to listen to each other without interrupting and without trying to fix the problem, just listen.
Consider having a weekly ‘meeting’ where you can discuss things that have come up during the week. Knowing that you have scheduled time put aside for this can be really helpful.
Have a go at sharing something daily about your partner that you are grateful for and get them to do the same for you. It might feel a bit strange at first but persevere as the benefits are worth it.
Work as a team
Thinking of you and your partner as a team can really improve your relationship. In the same survey I mentioned above by Relate, 65% of respondents said lockdown had brought them closer with time to reconnect and review their relationships. These couples worked with each other as a team to find solutions to problems caused by a common enemy – the Coronavirus! ‘Me’ becomes ‘us’ – teammates playing on the same side rather than against each other.
Knowing and understanding yourself is key to improving any relationship. Do you know yourself and what you need out of a relationship? Do you need conversation? Intimate connection? Reassurance? Understanding? Try not to judge yourself but do some honest soul searching. You might be surprised at what you find out about yourself and your relationship!
If you’re still struggling or if you just want to delve deeper into the rich world of building a stronger relationship, contact me: firstname.lastname@example.org or 07707 644445 for your free 30 minute Discovery Session. If you don’t feel ready for that why not join my private FaceBook Group – The Relationship Nook https://www.facebook.com/groups/232411711451088